Adventures in Muggle America
by cynful.musings
Summary: A little trip to the local Walmart while vacationing. Or what really happened to me and I managed to control myself.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Adventures in Muggle America**

**Pairings:** Draco/Harry

**Disclaimer:** I would love to own the boys, but unfortunately, I do not. I have kidnapped them and made them suffer a bit, but they will be returned good as new and possibly obliviated.

**Summary:** Draco is being introduced to an American Store...

Lots of love to my wonderful beta burningchaos. She is totally awesome and got this back to me sooo quickly so I could torture everyone else with my frustrations!

**Adventures in Muggle America**

**aka Draco gets an education**

"Harry, why are we here again?"

"Draco, we have to pick up this prescription. It needs to be refilled," Harry said for the 100th time in the past ten minutes.

Draco looked around at the brightly lit store packed with people and carts. Everyone seemed to be jostling another person. No one ever said excuse me. Draco should have fit right in, but even he couldn't believe how rude some people could be.

"How can someone name a department store 'Walmart?' What kind of name is Walmart, anyway? Why do people come here? Is it only the poor people, the ones that haven't been taught how to be polite?" You could see the obvious sneer on Draco's face as he watched the people go by.

"Be nice, Draco," Harry said patiently. "We have to get this medicine. I don't want to get thrown out of a store because you are being rude."

"Humph, me rude? Look around, Harry. That lady over there nearly ran us over to get to that place over there with the gaudy looking light over."

"The cash register, Draco."

"Oh, right, the register."

Draco and Harry continued walking through the throngs of people. They made their way to a little window that said "Drop Off." Harry walked up to the window, and waited for someone to notice him.

"So, you have to stand outside of this door, for what reason?"

"Honestly, Draco, have you never gotten medicine from a store before? No, let me just forget I asked that question. Of course, you have never been here. You would never go to a Muggle establishment unless I forced you to come." Harry was starting to get really irritated at the blond man.

"So, is some person going to come and talk to you or do you have to stand here looking foolish?" Draco inquired.

Harry sighed audibly as the lady came to the window. She got the name of the patient and the birthday. Thankfully, Linda had given him her birthdate. The lady told Harry it would be about 15-20 minutes and the prescription would be ready. Harry thanked the lady and grabbed Draco's arm.

"Where is this medicine we just I had /I to come get?"

"Come, on Draco. We are going exploring for a bit. The medicine will take at least 15 minutes." Harry walked Draco out of the pharmacy area and the first place that Draco noticed was the toy section.

"We have to wait? Why don't they have it ready when we give them the information?" Draco asked as he picked up an action figure from some Muggle movie _Star Wars_ .

"We have to wait because they do not keep everything made up. They have to check the prescription, fill the medicine, and then double check to make sure they did it right." Harry said watching Draco playing with the toy in his hand.

Harry and Draco walked around the corner and found the matchbox cars. "What do these do, Harry?"

"Those are Muggle cars. You push them around on the floor. Little boys love them," Harry explained.

"Oh! Look at this aisle! It is all pink. What is all this stuff?" Draco asked excitedly.

"This would be a little girl's aisle. Apparently Muggles think that little girls only like dolls and little boys only like cars."

"Oh, Harry, look! A little dragon. Can I have it? Please," he begged.

"Do you really need a stuffed animal, Draco?"

"Yes, I do. I shall name him Harry, because you got him for me," Draco said while he hugged the toy.

Harry managed to drag Draco away from the toys and over toward the electronics section. Draco was just as bad with his questions. How did they get the movies to play off of that little silver disk? Why couldn't they get a DVD/VHS player? Well, why couldn't they buy a TV as well?

Harry was starting to decide that it was a bad idea to introduce Draco to the most favored store of the Americas. "Draco, it has been about 25 minutes. Let's go get the medicine so we can leave."

"Ok, Harry. I'm getting bored here anyway." Draco walked beside Harry, while he still hugged his new dragon.

Harry took them to another little window. There were about seven people in front of them. Harry just waited for the next series of questions to begin. He didn't have to wait long.

"Harry, why are we just standing here?"

"Because we have to wait in line for our turn."

"Harry, we already waited twenty-five minutes. Why do we have to wait more?"

"We have to wait now, for the people that are in line ahead of us to pick up their medicine." Harry was feeling his frustration returning. A few people looked back at Draco.

"Harry, I'm bored."

"Draco, we will be done in just a few minutes."

The line moved forward slowly. Eventually, the boys were up at the register. Harry put the dragon on the register, after he convinced Draco to let go of it for just a few minutes. Harry gave the name and the lady looked up the information in her computer.

"I'm sorry. I don't have anyone by that name in the computer. Let me check for you."

"Harry, what does she mean?"

"I don't know just yet, Draco, but I will find out." Harry said.

"Yes, sir, just have a seat it is going to be just a few more minutes."

"A few more minutes," Draco whined.

Harry pulled him down into the seat next to him and began glaring at the lady behind the register. Did she realize that she just opened herself up for hell? Apparently not. She continued to help other people and did not seem to be getting their prescription ready.

Draco, up until this point had managed to keep him mouth shut. He seemed to understand that Harry wasn't happy about what was going on. Although, he felt it was his job to continue to glare at the lady that upset his Harry.

Finally after another fifteen minutes she called Harry back to the register. "What was the name again?" Harry told her. "I'm sorry, but apparently her prescription doesn't have any refills on it."

"Excuse me?" Harry started politely, only to be interrupted by Draco.

"Excuse me, lady? What exactly do you mean?" Draco demanded.

"As I was just saying, the prescription ran out. We are trying to call the doctor now to get a new one."

"You mean, you couldn't tell us this information an hour ago when we asked for the refill? We have had to wait an entire hour for nothing?"

"But sir, I cannot help that the prescription ran out."

"You, bloody well could have told me this and hour ago."

"But sir, it doesn't show up in the computer until we go to fill it."

"You have no way of letting me know before I waste an hour in this god-forsaken place?"

"Sir, we have a large amount of prescriptions that need to be filled here. You can always take your prescription to another drugstore."

"I do believe we will be, come along, Harry. I am through wasting my time with this woman." Draco stormed off holding his dragon.

"Draco, we still need to pay for the dragon." Harry said, catching up with the blond man.

"Fine, shall we go over to one of those little booths there."

"The cash register, Draco," Harry sighed again.

"Why does it seem this place is nothing but lines? I swear, I have to wait 30 bloody minutes waiting for nothing in the pharmacy, and now I have to wait again?" Draco complained. His temper was really beginning to show now.

"Calm down, Draco. This line shouldn't take too long. It is the express lane."

"Why is that light blinking over the register, Harry?"

"Apparently the cashier needs a manager or something."

"How long does it take for this person to get here?"

"I don't know, Draco."

The line inched forward. "Harry, that sign says twenty items or less, right?"

"Yes."

"That person has about thirty. I counted as they put it up! Should we call the manager or something?" Draco demanded.

"No, Draco, no one regulates the express line."

"It just isn't right."

"I know, Draco."

Draco finally was able to place his beloved dragon on the conveyer belt. He became nervous as it moved a bit away from him. Then he noticed a magazine. He picked it up and began to read. "Oh Merlin! Harry did you see this? Brad Pitt has left Jennifer Anniston! Why would someone put that kind of information on their magazines?"

"That is known as a tabloid."

"Harry, I must have it. I need to know what happened."

Harry put the magazine on the counter with the dragon. Then Draco noticed the candy and put some down as well. Harry just rolled his eyes.

Finally it was their turn. "There is no price on this toy."

"WHAT! Oh for Pete's sake. It was in a bin marked $4.97."

"Let me just call my manager to find out," the lady said. She turned the light on and waited for a gentleman in a red vest to show up. Draco was beginning to lose his temper again. Thankfully the gentleman knew exactly how much the dragon was. The lady finished the transaction. "Your total is $20.31."

"Fine, here." Harry handed her the money and grabbed the bag. He and Draco stormed out of the store, swearing they would never be back, as Draco clutched his stuffed dragon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Last Minute Shopping **

Merry Christmas to my friends, who have been named, and those who have not. Maybe the next installment will be in a walmart near you…

I don't own them, and I think right now, Harry would kill me if I did. Yeah, and I so totally don't own Walmart, still trying to find one of the heirs to marry.

A Parody of the Last Minute Shopping at a local store. (Could be any store, but I just left WalMart, so it is top of my list.)

Draco was frustrated and ready to pull his hair out. "Tell me again WHY you brought me to this horrid store again? I thought last time was enough!"

Harry sighed. He knew that he had explained this to Draco at least 30 times in the past ten minutes. "We are at this store getting last minute presents for our Christmas."

"Why didn't we get everything before now?" Draco whined staring again at the multitudes of people surrounding him, getting close enough to possibly touch his hair.

"This is an age old custom here in the US. Do you remember Lacy talking about it before she ran off to the Dollar Tree?" He knew there was not anyway to get out of this evil place in less than an hour.

He was currently cursing Ariel and Rosie for even suggesting they get together, but it made the girls happy. He had not actually gotten their Christmas presents yet, which explained the madness of being in this store on December 23.

"Since we are on holiday, can't we come back tomorrow?" Draco whined as they turned down the perfume aisle. He picked up a stray bottle and smelled it and cringed. "You are absolutely _not_ getting this for them. I refuse to put my name to something so…so…so cheap!"

"I will leave you firmly in charge of their gift. I promise, no cheap perfume," Harry sighed. Next year they were definitely going to stay home. They could go visit Jill and not have to worry about this crazy American commercialized holiday.

The two continued to meander through the store being bombarded on both sides from frantic mothers with screaming kids and husbands trying to find last minute gift ideas. Harry was beginning to pick up on the emotions of everyone around him. "All we need are two gifts! Two. Do you think we can manage that, Draco?"

"Why are you yelling at me for? Oh for the love of Merlin. If you want to talk to each other move out of the row! Honestly," Draco yelled at two people blocking the row while the caught up on their holidays. Harry tried to send a look of apology to the people, but he felt the same way.

"Draco, please try to remain calm. For me?" Harry asked nicely.

"But there are the toys! I remember that area! I know that Ariel would like to get a stuffed unicorn. She told me so," Draco nodded as he rushed ahead of Harry jumping in front of a person pushing their car the opposite direction. "Watch it woman! Can't you see I'm trying to shop here." He continued on into the aisle.

Harry looked at the woman and apologized. "I'm sorry. He has never been in a store before." The woman grumbled and walked on by.

When Harry got a chance to turn down the aisle with Draco he saw him at the end picking up different action figures. "Harry, did you get my present already? I think you really need to get me this." He held up a Spiderman action figure.

"Spiderman, Draco? Do you even know who he is?"

"Does it matter? He is sexy in that one piece number. You know what. Forget the toy, get a Bugman suit for you and I will be happy," Draco said with a smirk.

Draco wasn't paying attention to the person behind him. Suddenly the Spiderman was no longer in his hands. He turned around as some man turned to leave the aisle with _his_ Spiderman. "Stop, you imbecile!" he yelled.

The man just turned the corner sharply and disappeared. Draco pulled out his wand and went to follow him. Harry pulled him back, "Put that thing away. Do you want the Muggles to see you?"

"But, _Harry _he took my Buggyman," he whined.

"Draco, snap out of it. You have never heard of Spiderman until just now. That was rude and inconsiderate on his part, but we have to get the presents. I don't relish being kicked out of this place because you turned him into a rodent."

People were beginning to look at the two arguing. "Sir, is he bothering you?" asked one of the helpful employees that was no where to be seen when the toy was being removed from Draco's hand.

Draco looked from the employee to Harry and shook his head, "No sir, but a gentleman just stole the present that we were going to give to my nephew. He loves Spiderman and it appears to be the last one."

"Well, I'm sorry. Everything we have it out. Better luck next time." The employee casually walked away.

"That evil man!" Draco was tempted to pull out his wand and turn him into a maggot.

"Calm down, Draco. Here look at this one. He is a pretty one. Nice blond hair, reminds me a bit of you."

"Let me see," Draco turned to see what Harry had in his hand. "Oh, what is this Lord of the Rings and who is this man?"

"We can convince the girls that we need to watch the movies, just so you can see who he is. Well, as long as you promise not to run away with him, because I would miss you dreadfully." Harry pulled Draco closer and kissed him softly. The danger had been averted for the moment. "Now how about we find what we were looking for."

Draco nodded his head, "You are still going to get me him, right?"

"You will just have to wait until Christmas to find out, love." Harry pushed Draco to turn the corner. Harry was blinded almost immediately by all of the pink on the aisle. "Please, Draco another row. I can't take this!"

"Pink is a very masculine color, Harry. Besides, look at this doll. It is even named after Ariel. I think she would like it." Draco pulled out an Ariel doll and put it into the cart with the Legolas action figure. He smiled happily and continued to walk down the aisle. He stopped in front of a large display of dolls. "Harry, what does this Barbie thing do? What kind of girl actually looks like that? I would think that a guy would have his eye poked out."

"Draco, she isn't real!" Harry was not ready for any more questions on Muggle toys.

"Harry! Draco! What are you two doing here?" Linda asked as she turned the corner.

"Oh thank Merlin a familiar face! What are you doing here?"

"I work here now. Did you need some help with the toys?"

Draco turned to his friend and smiled. "Yes, I do. Some man just took a Buggyman toy from me and I want it back. There weren't any more over there!"

She reached behind the shelves of Barbies to something that was partially hidden. "This wouldn't be it, would it?"

Draco's eyes opened wide as he nearly jumped up and down with glee! "Yes! Come here my Buggyman. I won't let the evil man steal you again."

Linda and Harry laughed at Draco as he cooed to the doll. "Well, I better get back to work. I hope you get out of here in one piece!"

Harry nodded as they left the toy department. He thought they might be safe except they turned right into the electronics. He was ran over and stepped on, pushed, poked and prodded. He closed his eyes asking for strength.

"Oh look, Harry!" Draco ran into the movie section. He started pulling out DVDs. Here is Buggyman! Oooo there are two of them!" He quickly put them into the cart. He walked down the aisle and saw the _Lord of the Rings_. He grabbed all three of those. He continued to look and found all six episodes of _Star Wars_ . He placed all of those movies into the cart.

"Draco, do you have a DVD player or even a TV?" Harry asked calmly, knowing the answer and exactly what Draco was going to say.

"Of course not, but you can get me one."

Harry sighed as he left the cart with Draco and went to look at the televisions. He found one that had a DVD player installed in it. "Well, that should help," he muttered. He picked up the boxed TV and put it into the cart.

In the meantime, Draco had turned to the next aisle and was browsing music. "I definitely think that Rosie needs this one," he said confidently holding up a CD of Rosie's Christmas Songs.

"If you say so, Draco. Can we go now?" Harry asked, tired of this store. He knew they had already been in there for an hour and half by this point.

Draco ignored Harry's question and began putting different CD's into the cart. Harry sighed realizing that Draco was now in his element. He left the aisle and went to where there CD players were. He knew better than to even ask Draco. He picked up two portable ones. Maybe this one would come in handy, he thought remembering how he could tune Draco's rambles out if he had his own on.

Harry walked back to Draco and then picked out a CD for himself. "Now can we go?"

Draco looked at the cart, overflowing with toys and electronics. "I think that we need to find you some new pajamas. I don't like the ones you were wearing last night."

Harry sighed. They went to walk out of the electronics section but were stopped. "What do you mean I have to pay for all of this here? Can't I finish shopping first?" Harry beat his head on the counter as the man began to ring up their selections. They were all placed back into the basket in plastic bags. Harry sighed, "Four hundred dollars down."

Draco waited patiently, giving the other customers the evil eye when Harry wasn't looking at him. They left the electronics and turned back towards sporting goods. Harry knew he was in trouble when Draco looked at the fishing poles.

Harry answered his phone when it started ringing. He nodded a few times and explained that they were still in Wal-Mart and they would leave as soon as they could. "Draco, that was Lacy. She is done at the Dollar Tree and is ready to leave."

"Harry, we did get her present, right? I think she would like this air mattress. It says it sleeps just like a real bed! Can you imagine the luxury? Sleeping on air?"

He sighed putting two air mattresses into his overflowing cart. He looked at the tents there were right beside the mattresses. He put one of them on top of the other items. "Draco, Lacy is waiting."

Draco sighed and walked on. "By all means, we still need to find those pajamas."

Harry walked behind Draco and pulled out his phone and dialed Lacy's number. "Lacy, it will be a few more minutes. Draco is still shopping." He nodded a couple of times. "Yes, that is fine. I will meet you at Laura's then. Yes, Lucius should be there as well. Yes. Alright, see you hopefully soon." Harry hung up the phone and followed behind Draco as he ran over a few more people.

Draco found his way to the clothing section and turned up his nose. "I don't know how anyone can were these plebian items." He continued around until he found what he was looking for. "Okay, Harry close your eyes. I don't want you to see it.."

Harry closed his eyes and leaned his head on the overflowing items. "Are you done yet?"

Draco put something into the cart. "No, keep your eyes closed! It isn't every day that I can buy you clothes that you grew up wearing. Thankfully these will fit you."

Harry leaned against the wall of the changing rooms. "Have fun, Draco. We are going to meet at Laura's instead of picking Lacy up. She was tired of waiting for us."

"Speaking of which, I think you need to take a cake or something with us." Draco continued to roam through the men's section and piled more clothing articles. "Finally. We can move on!" Draco pulled the cart towards the paper supplies but stopped when he saw the posters. "Now I know all of the girls would love this, especially Jill." He pulled out six Green Day posters.

"Six, Draco?" he asked wearily.

"Well, I need one too, don't I? Look at his eyes, almost the same color as yours! I can think of you as I look at the picture." Draco smiled knowing that he won that argument.

He then dragged Harry up and down the aisles of home items stopping to put one or two in. "Draco, do you think I should get another cart?"

"No, Harry. We are almost done!" Draco replied as he put a rug on top of the mountain of merchandise.

"Thank Merlin I have my Gringotts Mastercard on me," Harry muttered.

"What was that, love?"

"Nothing dear."

Draco smiled and ran when he saw the aisle filled with Christmas candy. "Candy canes! We need candy canes and Hershey kisses…maybe some hugs, too. Oh and that lovely chocolate! Wouldn't Lauren like this mug set? Maybe my father would like this Outdoors thingy here." Draco studied the item carefully before throwing it on top of the other stuff. If nothing else, Draco was generous when it came to giving. He started naming different people would want their very own M&M cookie jar. "What do you think Raven wants, Harry?"

Harry sighed. "I took care of here when we were in electronics. Are you nearly done, Draco?"

"I'm never taking you anywhere again, Harry Potter! All you want to do is rush me!" Draco began to pout as he continued to put more items into the cart.

"Draco we came for two things! TWO!"

"Fine, let's go then. I am going to make sure you get some coal in your stocking then!" Draco snuck a small bag filled with little black pieces of "coal" bubblegum into the cart without Harry noticing.

The wandered back through the food area and were forced to stop to pick out the perfect dessert for the party that night. That took another twenty minutes of Draco not being able to decide. Harry finally snapped and told him to bring both the cheesecake and the Frosty cake.

Draco gave Harry an evil look and put the items on the top of the cart. Harry needed Draco to guide him to the checkout. "Draco, we can't get in this lane!"

"Well, why not? It is the shortest. It is the one we used last time."

"Draco we have well over the 20 item limit."

"Honestly!" Draco pulled the cart over to a line that had about ten people in it. "I think they should open another line. Harry, go tell that person that we are in a hurry and they need to open the line."

"Draco, it doesn't work that way. They will just laugh and tell us to get over it."

Draco sighed and then he saw a flash of light. "Oh, Harry. I will be back in a few minutes. Don't go anywhere. I'm just going up to that corner."

Harry nodded not even paying attention. He was thankful that it was quiet now. Well, quiet for him because Draco was not talking non-stop. The line moved forward slowly and Draco had not returned. Harry walked to the front of the line and grabbed a magazine. He went back to the cart and began flipping through it.

Finally he reached the register and put all the items onto the conveyer belt. He put the magazine that he had finished back where it came from. There still wasn't any sign of Draco. He was getting worried. He didn't think the boy could get lost, not if he was only going to one place.

Harry swiped his charge card without paying attention to the total. He would worry about that when he got back to London. He knew that they had spent easily over a thousand American dollars in the store. "And all of this for only two presents," he muttered as he signed the receipt.

"Merry Christmas!"

"Bah humbug," Harry replied and walked off. He saw the flash of light again and walked over to it. Draco was talking to a girl at a computer. "Oh good, Harry, you finally made it. It took you long enough!" Draco kissed him softly and turned back to the screen. "Which picture do you think I need, Harry?"

Harry groaned when he realized that his glamour boy had been off getting his picture taken while Harry stood in line. "Just get them all, love. Please, I ready to go home."

"But which one is your favorite? I need to know," he pouted.

Harry pointed to a random picture, "That one looks good, sweetheart."

"But, Harry, I have a strand of hair out of place! You don't want me to look bad do you?"

Harry sighed. "Which one is your favorite, love?"

Draco pointed to two of them. Harry took a deep breath and pointed to one of them. "How about this one?"

Draco nodded happily and finished telling the girl what he wanted. She printed out a copy of all of the pictures and handed him a disk. Harry walked over to the register and pulled out his charge card again. "These will be ready for pick-up in about two weeks. Thank you and Merry Christmas!"

"Merry fucking Christmas!" Harry grumbled as he walked out of the evil store, vowing never to return. He would let Tina or Alli to bring Draco back. He walked to the parking lot and then screamed when he realized something. "Where the fuck did we park, Draco?"

"I don't know, sweetheart," he answered. "Oh, Harry, I think we forgot to get some stocking stuffers for the girls! We need to come back tomorrow to get them."

Harry let off a scream into the night air vowing that he was never again going to spend Christmas with his friends in America.

Draco shrugged and happily sang a Christmas song as Harry looked for the car.

Note: Please never expect to actually get directly into the photo center. There is always a minimum of a thirty minute wait, if there are no scheduled appointments. Also please note that it is next to impossible during the holiday season. The lines of truth have been skewed a bit here.


End file.
